The hum of the tubes coupled with the slow swell of feedback is heaven.
From the moment I hit the switch from standby, I know that I am in my element and life unfolds into a fever dream-a form that allows me to step back from the monotony and emotional obligations of days gone past.
Being able to communicate myself in such a way that most people, or even just a certain few understand slightly is otherworldly. Apprehension that sits and balloons within you starts to develop this release valve, and when the cap is unthreaded, you’re free. A trick that has proven to be elusive is finding exactly what your release valve tends to be. For me, the one I have developed is music in any shape or form.
Anxiety manifests itself in different ways for each one of us. I myself have come to understand it as what my parents and many influential people in my life refer to as stress. Our coping mechanisms become the almost insurmountable issue in these scenarios. Now sit back, relax, go ahead and just think back. What are yours? Mine have always come back to music in some shifty roundabout way. Whether it was listening to some sad bastard band or trying to conform my thoughts to notes or stanza.
Some ways of coping can be bad and others are considered good, I was never sent here to judge any man or woman for their ways of dealing with the human condition. Fighting through life’s trials and tribulations will take it’s toll on any person. You have dealt with so much and overcome so many obstacles. You are still here, and so am I. Why? What has kept you going, what makes you feel alive? To feel a new set of strings, sticks, heads, or picks brings a new lease of life’s adventures.
Everything that had been created with the old allows for the ringing in of the new.
Creation has always been key for myself and my mental state. Creation is key for molding oneself into a complete human, and hurt becomes a driving force in providing a conduit for helping that task come to completion. A want has to come along that is hard enough to find your release valve, and to stick to using it when need be.
Every piece of the formula to create comes into play when I pick up a guitar or take the throne behind a kit. My formidable self-destructive habits begin to hold no bearing over me, yet they help to add fuel to my fire. When unthreaded ever so delicately, or ripped off with the force of an atom bomb, my release valve becomes a thruster. That thruster propels me into my work and my work is creation, and for me creating heals.